Why Won't You Apologize?

Why Won't You Apologize?

Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts

Book - 2017
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"Renowned psychologist and bestselling author of The Dance of Anger sheds new light on the two most important words in the English language--I'm sorry--and offers a unique perspective on the challenge of healing broken connections and restoring trust. Dr. Harriet Lerner has been studying apologiesand why some people won't give themfor more than two decades. Now she offers compelling stories and solid theory that bring home how much the simple apology matters and what is required for healing when the hurt we've inflicted (or received) is far from simple. Readers will learn how to craft a deeply meaningful "I'm sorry" and avoid apologies that only deepen the original injury. Why Won't You Apologize? also addresses the compelling needs of the injured partythe one who has been hurt by someone who won't apologize, tell the truth, or feel remorse. Lerner explains what drives both the non-apologizer and the over-apologizer, as well as why the people who do the worst things are the least able to own up. She helps the injured person resist pressure to forgive too easily and challenges the popular notion that forgiveness is the only path to peace of mind. With her trademark humor and wit, Lerner offers a joyful and sanity-saving guide to setting things right,"--Amazon.com.
Published: New York :, Touchstone,, 2017.
Edition: First Touchstone hardcover edition.
ISBN: 9781501129599
Branch Call Number: 158.2 LER
Characteristics: x, 195 pages ;,22 cm


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Aug 18, 2018

This is a very insightful book, with a lot of helpful tips.

Jul 22, 2018

This is one of those books that everyone should read. We all get hurt and hurt others through our lives. We all can benefit from the many lessons in this book, full of practical wisdom as well as academic knowledge. If you are fascinated with psychology and learning why people do the things they do, you will really enjoy this book.

Apr 26, 2018

Clear and well written. The author hits on hard truths about how some persons have a hard time with apologizing by looking at personality types and modern psychology. Highly recommend.

Dec 05, 2017

Who is this author and why have I not read everything she's ever written?

The idea of self-help books is repelling as much as it is appealing, as it infers some help is needed and maybe that involves a lot of looking at areas you'd rather keep covered up and sealed over. But there is something delicious about reading this author's way of getting under your skin and making you stand up and be the best version of yourself (or just be aware there is a better version of yourself hiding under that fake smile and pretense).

I don't think I've read a book more quickly than I read this one and I feel like I need to read everything she's ever written now. I feel like I'm not that bad, like everyone has issues, and that sometimes the easiest solutions are the simplest and obvious.

lindab1111 Mar 17, 2017

Very well researched and written. She presents clear reasoning on why prefacing an apology can escalate an already tense situation. She tells us that we can forgive a hurt in degrees and not be held hostage when the offender is unconcerned. When accepting an apology the clearest response is "Thank you for your apology. I appreciate it." No one needs to double down on their hurt or grovel for understanding. Lots more insight in this book.

TSCPL_Miranda Feb 15, 2017

Being human means messing up–every single one of us makes mistakes. And because we are all friends, parents, siblings, coworkers and more, the need to give and receive apologies is relevant to all of us. Dr. Harriet learner has reflected on and studied apologies throughout her 45 years as a practicing therapist. In her new book Why Won’t You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts, Lerner uses real life examples and practical advice to help us get them right.

Confession time…this is the first of Dr. Lerner’s books that I’ve read. I was blown away by how easy and enjoyable it was to read, and by how much it has already helped me to reframe every day interactions with my family and become a better human. I shared Dr. Lerner’s notes on non-apologies (the sort that include an “if” or a “but”) with my children, and now they’re thinking about their apologies instead of just reciting them, too. Really!

This book is a game changer for all of us.


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